UFO Sightings: Crappy Camerawork Does Not a Body of Evidence Make
Is a UFO and a Flying Saucer the same thing? I think not. Flying Saucer is an old term, used way back in the 1950s when people used to think that space ships resembled saucers from their mothers’ cupboards. Now we are much more sophisticated and all realize that vehicles from outer space really look more like cigars, discs and the ever-popular pizza box.
I am a believer in UFOs. But let’s get one thing straight right away; it’s a matter of strict semantics. (Can semantics be un-strict?). A UFO is an unidentified flying object. This means we don’t know what it is. So by expert analogy we can say that if your mother in law, wearing a pair of fuzzy slippers, hair curlers and a sun dress, was to be catapulted over the skies of Arizona at 3 a.m. with a flashlight taped to her butt, she would qualify as a UFO. That is, she would not be identified. The few people looking into the heavens would simply cry out, “What the f*ck is that?”
What I don’t believe is that a UFO is an alien space craft. There’s no proof unless of course you count the scores of shaky films on youtube.com of UFOs in the sky that were shot by drunk rednecks, cultists or campers so sloshed that they are unfit to ride on a stretcher.
Where is the proof? If you’re a scientist you have million-dollar telescopes and sound recording instruments and light readers. You know the difference between a zinc-coated alloy and a tuna can. If you’re the typical UFO “witness” you basically have you and your brother-in-law, an out of work tile layer, with a cheap video camera that you couldn’t hold still if you if your body was duct-taped to a steal beam. Is it proof to show a video of some shiny thing in the sky as your camera is jerked around as if you’ve got turrets of the elbow joints? No. What we need are clear, steady pictures taken by a really good quality camera with a very high powered lens in broad daylight on the East Coast. But all we have are sorry eye witnesses who would be the types to vote O.J. Simpson “Best Golfer Who Ever Murdered Somebody.”
These exclamations do not qualify as proof, although the following quotes were collected by NASA 1962-2006 from so-called eye witnesses:
- “I just finished a fifth of Mad Dog when I saw the thing floatin above the trailer park.”
- “It was round, had flashing lights.” (this is actually also a description of a disco ball)”
- “I seen it with my own eyes.”
- “It was a clear Tuesday night during an electric storm.”
- “I don’t know what it was, but it was a space ship of some sorts”
- “I didn’t want to touch it because it already made Earl vomit”
- “I peed when I saw it” (the 13 beers had nothing to do with this)
- “I was ascared the moment it started to play the theme from Mork & Mindy”
- “My dog started barking like crazy, then he rolled over and started speaking in German”
- “It had lights much brighter than anything on earth.”
- “I never seen nothin like it before” (this came from a 44-year-old guy who never set foot out of Arkansas)
- “Whoah”
- “My car stalled right out.”
- “My coffee evaporated and my hat spun around on my head like a top.”
- “It left a hole on my lawn right next to my couch.”
- “My watch stopped. See??”
- “I ain’t lyin. You can ask my parole officer.”
- “I didn’t actually see it, but I heard a whirrr, like an air conditioner or a whiffle ball.”
- “I was worried it would splode, so me and Buck started shootin at it in the woods.”
- “I got it all on film then a bear ate my camera.”
- “I don’t have a camera but I drew a pitcher.”
- “I don’t know what the hell it was, but that’s the last time I mix wine and rubbing alcohol.”
To me, alien space ships are right up there with ghosts. There are films that are inconclusive. There are witnesses who are not credible. And there’s no trace of evidence left following the supposed visitations. We could be watching videos of military craft, silver frisbees, blimps or hoagie sandwiches with lights attached to the buns.
No, my friends, you’ll need a lot more evidence to impress me. I would be the first to invite the idea of intelligent life beyond our own little ailing planet, but I just don’t see any real proof. We need to get Hollywood directors involved. They know how to shoot good footage. Let’s get Spielberg or Woody Allen out there in the Nebraska farm country. Let’s give Wes Anderson a crack at this. Until then we have to just assume that there are no signs of intelligence in most parts of this wonderful country.
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June 26th, 2007 at 10:59 pm
Stanton Friedman, the harvard educated nuclear physicist, has said, “educated people believe in UFOs.” His comment is not a snotty retort to people like yourself who often engage in reductive, ad hominum, or socially dimunitive commentary when discussing (and dismissing)the ufo phenomenon and its witnesses, but a literal observation on how many people generate their opinion when they know next to nothing about the subject matter at hand. You’d be suprised to find that there is considerable, solid, physical evidence of ufo landings, a vast amount of excellent photographs and video footage of ufos (along with those that are fake, shaky, or of planets are indentifiable flying objects), and there is a vast array of what any court in the nation would consider “expert” witnesses who describe seeing craft that do not correlate to any known earthly technology. My suggestion is to do some more reading. And if your prejudice is that drunken hicks see ufos, perhaps you should do more research into those who are clearly not that. Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin are probably the two most prominent ufo witnesses that have come forth in the last several years, but there is wide range of other highly credible witnesses such as former military officials (including generals), a plethora of aerospace engineers from companies such as Lockheed and Northrop, physicists, govt. employees, astronauts, police officers, and whole slew of airline pilots. I’d highly encourage you to check out the disclosure project. It is absolutely fascinating. And by the way, in the world of rhetoric the lowest form of argument is that in which you use ad hominum attacks (aka attacks on someone’s character or person if your Latin is rusty) rather than offering evidence or logical refutation in attempt to negate your opponent’s case… it’s like saying, “oh yeah, well you’re a real ninny.” The only case that begins to make is for the unsteady and entirely unscientific logic of the commentator.
June 27th, 2007 at 8:31 am
In defense of my article, I humbly reply. First of all, I’ve seen Stanton Friedman. He has facial hair and a very serious demeanor. He frightens me and I therefore cannot listen to him, so I can’t vouch for what you say he has said, but I will take your word for it. Next, you suggested I do more reading on the subject. This I will not do. No amount of reading will produce full-fledged, three-dimensional proof of an alien space craft that can be put in a museum alongside a genuine recreation of Louis Leaky’s Olduvai Gorge Homo habilis so that we can all take pictures from the comfort of an air conditioned room with velvet cordons. Lastly, you mentioned Buzz Aldrin. Never heard of him. What kind of name is Buzz, anyhow? For the sake of your own argument, I hope his name is not a moniker received for excessive drinking in space. That would completely invalidate anything he may have reported while spinning through space, whether a UFO or an orbiting teapot. “Hey, Houston! I think I see my grandma putting her false teeth on one of our reflectors!”