Today a man tried to jump into the Pope’s popemobile. Police described him as a German wearing a pink T-shirt and dark shorts, a beige baseball cap and sunglasses. I am not sure whether the bigger crime was an attempt to hijack the pope or whether it was the assailant’s fashion sense. With a wardrobe like that it’s no wonder why they took him for evaluation at a mental hospital.

This brings me to my next point: Who named the popemobile? It doesn’t sound dignified. The pontiff and the popemobile. Sounds like a Disney movie. You know, like Herbie the Love Bug or The Princess and the Pea. Was that a Disney movie?

If I was the Pope, I would insist on naming my own vehicle. Here are some better choices:
1. El Wapo
2. Vatican V-8
3. Babe Magnet
4. High Rider
5. Pontiff Shuttle

Frankly, though, I’m not sure why the Pope even has to have a name for his vehicle at all. Maybe it should just be called “the Pope’s touring car” and leave it at that.

I wonder if the Dalai Lama has a touring car. After all, the Dalai Lama is a big macher with a big following like the Pope. Apparently, I’m not the only one who has been thinking about the Dalai Lama’s mode of travel. Perhaps you missed the recent press conference that aired on MSNBC:

David Gregory: “Does it bother you, Your Highness, that you do not have a touring car like that of the Pope, His Highness?”
Dalai Lama: “No.”
David Gregory: “If you could afford one, would you like your own touring car, you know, like the Pope has?”
Dalai Lama: “I prefer to walk.”
David Gregory: “If you did have your own touring car, what would you call it?”
Dalai Lama: “I don’t want one.”
David Gregory: “But if you had one…”
Dalai Lama: “Okay. I see you’re not going to let this one drop… I suppose I would call my touring car Fat Tony.”
David Gregory: “What? I have to say you’ve mystified me.”
Dalai Lama: “I am a big fan of The Sopranos.”

I don’t think there is a head rabbi anywhere, but if there was, he would face a similar problem in having to name his vehicle. My suggestion would be the Kvetchmobile.My guess is that it wouldn’t be easy to start.

But I digress. I wonder what the popemobile hijacker was after. What was his plan once he made it onto the popemobile. Did he want an autograph, to be blessed or just to see what it looks like to wave at a hoard flying down the road at 3 miles per hour? Maybe he wanted to have his picture taken with the Pope. Maybe he was just trying to cross the road and accidentally fell face first into the popemobile. Ever think of that?

I am also very curious as to who designed the popemobile. Seriously. You would think that a man as rich, famous and successful as the Pope would have a nicer car instead of one that looks like a box was welded to the back of a microscopic pickup truck. I’ve seen photos of the Vatican. It’s very elegant and has lots of sparkle. There are plush carpets, rich colors and gold everywhere. The popemobile should be the equally well represented. It should be redesigned as an all-electric vehicle (to show the Pope is sensiitive about the environment), but it should also say, “I am the Main Pontiff. My car is a status statement. Don’t touch the dashboard, you’ll leave fingerprints on the embossing.” That’s all I’m saying.

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