Dear friends, I have some very exciting news. My career has just hit a new level. I now join the ranks of Annoying Cell Phone Guy and the Fandango Puppets in a new medium of comic entertainment: Pre-Show Movie Theatre Commercials. Now do you not only have to be on time to catch the coming attractions, but you need to get there an extra 10 minutes early to see me convincing the masses to use MOVIETICKETS.COM. (Don’t get mad at me, you know you love them. And it’s not my fault every bit of media real estate is used to advertise.)

Yes, I’m in a commericial that plays in the theaters. For those of you actors wondering if Annoying Cell Phone Guy made as many bazillions as the newly rich commercial actors on network television, the answer is no. There are no residuals for this. It’s a day-rate as well as “we’ll put ya on the big screen!” compensation.

The spot is about a superhero (the “fastest man alive” no less) on a date with a girl (ME.) My character is unimpressed, and I order the movietickets online using my blackberry faster than he can whiz back and forth to the theater. How clever!

Last week I received the long awaited information that the spot had begun running. Teaming with anticipation, I ran to the AMC theater that night (where they told me it runs the most) and bought tickets to see Ratatouille. Which is a fantastic little film. My two nerdiest ambitions are to play a half Romulan on Star Trek, and to one day be a cartoon. Anyway, moving on, I sat down in the theater 20 mins before the movie began, and started shaking. No matter how many times you do it, seeing yourself blown up on a big screen is scary. I downed the tub of popcorn in 5 mins in nervous frenzy. After 3 commercials for the Cartoon Network, a stupid bit about casting animals, and the wonderful pre-feature short which contemplated alien workplace hierarchy, the movie began. My commercial wasn’t even there. Feeling a bit of nausea from the popcorn, I took a big sip of water, and gently told myself they weren’t lying. I really was on the big screen… somewhere. I forgot all about it 20 mins into the film; those Pixar kids really know how to master escapist fiction.

On the way out of the theater, my boyfriend is asking if I really did do this commercial, and am I sure this is where it’s running, when we pass the little tv screen on the top of the escalator. THERE I AM! In my black dress, padded tits, sitting across from a guy dressed like the Tic. We run quickly up the down escalators we already stepped onto, and after pushing over the guy behind me, I make it to the front of the small screen, where I catch the end of the spot. Too much makeup. Not as funny as I imagined. They didn’t use my favorite “wow” take. *sigh* “Stop being a perfectionist,” I tell myself.

Luckily I discovered yesterday that the clip is now online. I dutifully hacked the code and it is embedded below. It’s a quite crappy stream, I sincerely apologize, but you can view the spiffier one here.

MySpace Direkt

So that’s where I am now, kids. Running up escalators at full speed to try and catch a moment of my acting in a tv screen by the concession stand, wondering if I should sneak into another film and leave once it begins. This is a step up I suppose from doing aweful plays in unairconditioned black box theaters in Hell’s Kitchen, or seeing a short I did at the International Film and Video Festival where no one is in the audience except me and the director’s mom.

The spot will be running till mid-December, meaning we’ll get the Thanksgiving crowd. So dear Readers, throughout the rest of the fall, see as many movies as you can. After I speed away in the vehicle at the end, you can turn to the audience member behind you and say “you know she blogs too.” I’ll be eternally grateful.

Oh, and speaking of the last shot where I’m speeding away, you people know my driving history now. That shot was done at the end of the day, when it was dark out, with the camera rigged onto the hood of the car. I was to drive down Adams Ave, NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE ANYTHING IN FRONT OF ME. We went 8 mph and the AD was in on a mike in my ear telling me what to do. Superhero was supposed to be scared in the scene, so I showed the actor the front of my Jetta in the parking lot, thoroughly smashed from the accident, then gave him a big smile and told him not to worry. I do believe his fear in the last shot was not at all hard to muster.

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