Comments on: I ask myself the universal question….

By: Danny de Zayas

Danny de Zayas — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 20:32:16 +0000

Just be glad men can’t get penile implants. That’ll be the point of no return…

Fake breasts are an abomination, by and large (no pun intended).

By: Josh

Josh — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 16:07:57 +0000

Wow. Amazing post. I laughed out loud here at multiple points - a feat not easily accomplished by the majority of the printed word outside of George W.’s speech transcriptions.

Weighing in on the topic at hand - implants are great from a distance, but ultimately disappointing in more intimate proximity. It’s akin to thinking you’ve spotted Scarlett Johannson on the street but when she gets closer it’s really Courtney love.

http://www.welaf.com/vc_gallery/celebrities-look-alike/Scarlett%20Johansson%20vs%20Courtney.jpg

By: Liz

Liz — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 23:36:24 +0000

Before the age of implants . . . I remember being on the pill when I was in college and getting HUGE breasts from all the hormones. It was quite an attraction . . . and a pain in the ass. Playing tennis, something I had loved and enjoyed since junior high school, became impossible, at least my two-handed backhand did. And I hated carrying on conversations where I only saw the lower rim of the pupils of the guy I was talking to because he was always trying to look down my shirt.
One thing I can tell you, it doesn’t lead to meaningful relationships. The guy I did marry encouraged me to go off the pill because it wasn’t healthy, and now he cared more about my health than about my bra size. And today, at a nice B cup, I can play tennis, carry on interesting conversations, tell the eye color of the person I’m talking to and also merely choose a push-up bra when cleavage is desired. Plus guys swear they can spot them a mile away. What’s the fun in that?

By: Vic Shayne

Vic Shayne — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 23:10:01 +0000

Oh, and one more thing, if you don’t mind. Where exactly was this locker room with all the breasts you mentioned? Just curious.

By: Vic Shayne

Vic Shayne — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 23:08:54 +0000

Of all the concerns in the world, including wars over oil, government scandals and the destruction of our planet as we know it, at last someone raises the bar. This diatribe on breasts, the epic battle between real and implant, presents a conundrum too ominous to ignore. Fake breasts? The down side: They don’t ever look real. They stay with you when you age, so that when you are 75 years old your breasts are A-OK while the rest of you looks like a human-shaped raisin. To test this, imagine the oldest woman you know. She can be your grandma or a lady from the past like Indira Gandhi. Now imagine her naked but with perfect perky breasts. Okay, bad example, now I can’t stop staring at Indira’s breasts. My apologies to Mahatma.

Last point about fake breasts: they will go out of style one day, as everything else does, from tattoos to Edsels. The upside of fake breasts is that they fulfill the male fantasy of looking at, well, giant breasts. Also, they are helpful for getting a table at a posh restaurant, protecting your lower torso from sunburn, and pointing to things when your hands are otherwise employed. If it helps you at all, I say forget the implants and enjoy what nature has given you. Forget this culturally fleeting phase and be proud of your body, because the next fad after breast enlargement may very well be changing the female face to look like that of Smurfette. See the danger of just following the fad? I hope so. Let this be a lesson. Now don’t you feel better already?